Project Happy.

I would like to think that we, as humans, are capable of so many glorious things. Our ability to adapt, overcome and survive is a truly beautiful site to behold. Suddenly a plague is upon us, a plague of status quo. So many of us are working jobs we hate, paying for stuff that we don't really want and paying off stuff that didn't really make us happy. Our homes are filled with stuff, and when it fills up we decide we need bigger homes with bigger closets.

Why? Why are we fighting so hard for things that don't matter? Why are we working more and spending less time with our friends and families? Why aren't we happy? Most importantly, what is happy?

I signed up for a work-at-home job opportunity that begins with an extensive email course. I expected information about the company and instructions, instead I received emails that challenged me to question who I am and where I want to be. One of my first tasks was to write three goals I want to accomplish in a year. I could not think of a single one. I stared at the screen for an hour typing and retyping ideas but they looked like regurgitated nonsense. All the things society expects a 27 year old to desire, none of the things that would really make me happy.

So that was where I started. Goal number 1: I want to be happy. Not superficially, not laughing at a Buzzfeed compiled article on drunk looking babies. Genuinely happy. The warm happiness that feel like springtime sunshine. That feeling where even if something terrible happens you are still certain of who you are.

That brings me to goal number 2: I want to be certain. I don't think I've been certain of myself since the day I started school. I walked in with my canvas Sesame Street tote and my purple dress that reminded me of Donatello and my long, ass-length hair and was greeted by frilly dresses, plastic back packs and peers who mocked the very essence of my being. I didn't have the confidence then to be proud of who I was, I'm not sure I have the confidence now. I want to be certain in who I am, unhindered by social networks and status.

In a way that leads to goal number 3: I want to be Erica. No longer will I define myself with things, as I so often do. Every social profile I encounter is filled with things like, "I am a Whovian who has read every Star Wars EU book," or "I am a mother to one beautiful daughter " Those things are true, but they are not me. They are things that can change, they are things I enjoy but they are not WHO I am. I want to be free to be myself and examine who and what that means.